So I should be studying, or sleeping, but I'm finding that I can do neither. When I try to study, I feel myself aching to go to sleep. When I try to sleep, my mind is racing: What are the elements of murder 2 again? And when is a warrantless search justified? What are the 4 types of easements? Is an income generating property acquired before marriage community or separate property if both spouses work to maintain it? What makes a valid codicil? What is Indian Country? Why do they still call it that, in 2010?
Meanwhile, real life is going on. Dumb stuff (Oh shoot, I didn't run the dryer, the towels are going to be all wet and gross. I keep forgetting to buy soap! I didn't pay the electricity bill this month. I need to work out). Random stuff ("Hello, Ex-who's-now-married, you're in town from across the country? So awesome!"). Serious stuff (Father-daughter dance at good friend's wedding has me bursting into tears. Relationship challenges. I miss my parents. I miss my friends but I can't hang out or talk).
What do we do when the task at hand calls for 100% focus, but we're, like, human and real, thus creating little nuisances like bills that must be paid, incomes that must be earned, relationships that must be tended to?
I don't know the answer. I know I've tried to achieve balance, but right now I'm just feeling the intensity of it all.
I know it will be okay. I know that I will keep studying hard and keep praying and keep trying to be focused. And, if I don't pass... I'll pass. But if I don't, I'll be okay. I know too many incredibly smart people who've had to take this thing again, and lived through it.
Amen and hallelujah. Back to work. Or sleep. Whatever comes first.
P.S. I miss writing.