Seattle, WA
Poet, blogger, lawyer, educator, sista, sister, aunt, daughter, mentor, friend, dog owner, lover of music and all things gluten free... Writing about all of this and more.

Sunday, January 8, 2017


i wanted to change the world but it was too small
or was that my thinking? did i not see i had all
that i needed?
not defeated, just a little depleted
a little malnourished is the truth, so we just eat it
reality bites but mediocrity burns
ain't no such thing as wait yo turn

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Starting Today.

Pressing forward toward the goal, facing upward, I'm embracing what life is right now. Not what could have been, not what I should have done. Both feet are in this moment, no more dragging, no looking back.

Starting today, I am honest. Not that good-girl brand of honesty that means telling a stranger when he drops a dollar. No, I'm that fearless, uncomfortable brand of truth-telling. The kind that requires vulnerability when I want to put my armor up. The kind that compels me to speak when I'd rather be quiet. The kind that tells you what I can do, what I like, what I don't like, what I need, when just going along would be easier in the moment.

Starting today, I will appreciate God's gifts and His discipline, knowing that without both, I would not be who I am. I will see the lesson in each challenging moment. I will wait patiently to understand.

Starting today, this will be my attitude. This will be the little reminder I whisper to myself, kindly, patiently. It's not only about shedding regrets and forgetting pain. It's also about knowing that nothing I've done in the past--none of the successes or feats--is more important than what I choose to do today.  I am not defined by who I was, what I did, how I made people feel back then. I am defined by what I am and who I am today.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

My dad's playlist

Four years into driving my dad's car, I recently discovered several of his CDs. It's kind of embarrassing how long it took me to find them. They were in the multi-disc player in the glove compartment. The disc player was almost lodged shut and the button on the radio that enables you to play the CDs would not play anything, so I had always assumed that he had opted out of installing one. One day something led me to nearly break the sucker open. I don't know what it was. I was sure I was going to be left with a piece of plastic in my hand, but I just kept wedging the thing open. I guess I was just curious or bored or something.

Anyway, finally after what felt like several minutes it popped, then slid open, revealing 5 CDs in there. It felt like discovering a treasure map. Or a secret journal. A chance to experience something new about a man I had known all my life, and almost half of his, after almost four years of his physical absence. It felt like a little gift from him to me.

I didn't hit play for a couple weeks. I wasn't being dramatic about it... I just wanted to wait.

Then the Friday before Father's Day, I decided to hit play. The first song was Smokey Robinson and The Miracles, Tears of a Clown. I closed my eyes and imagined him singing the song. I can distinctly remember hearing him sing Al Green, I'm so Tired of Being Alone. So I just kind of changed the words. I could imagine what he would sound like--definitely not in tune, airy, higher in pitch than his speaking voice. It always made me laugh; not at him, but at the carefree state he--a generally serious and practical man--was in at the moment.

I listened to Smokey and imagined Dad and just enjoyed the thought of him. It was sunny outside and I had the windows down and the breeze was blowing through the car. I was in traffic downtown, which was awful, but I pictured what it would be like if this were a typical day in the life of Dad. At that very hour I'd probably be driving him from UW to KCTS9. We'd be driving through South Lake Union, the windows would be down, it would be quiet in the car unless I was chatty. It was a nice thought.

It was nice a nice feeling. Even though I felt the familiar burning of grief down in my gut, I didn't feel the darkness that often accompanies grief.

I realized, with gratitude, that I am in that part of grief that allows me to not sit in darkness. I am in that place that allows you to smile at your loved one, feel his presence, and even with tears in your eyes, just enjoy the music.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Fall in Love

"Nothing is more practical than finding God, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, whom you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything." --Fr. Pedro Arrupe, SJ What/who are you in love with? Happy Valentine's Day!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Sunday, January 22, 2012